i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
