i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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