Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
