Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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