He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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