hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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