Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She's the barista slut.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
