she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
