I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
