I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
