Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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