I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
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