I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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