Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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