Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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