i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
