I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize