I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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