Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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