If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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