we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Randomize
