You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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