Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
