I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
