FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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