you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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