If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize