Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
