Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
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