Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
im about as happy as oj after his trial
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
