remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
