So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
