It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
