you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
