Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
