we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
