Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
