I wish I could teleport
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize