somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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