Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize