This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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