Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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