so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
