I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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