that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
