she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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