Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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