dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
3pm strippers are depressing
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
