eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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