i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
