so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
