Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
