I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
