dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
