Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
