News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
my shit smells like andre
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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