How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
