Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
