if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
