batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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