I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
