Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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