Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
