did you get engaged???
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
