I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
