I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
My ass is underappreciated
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize