if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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