I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
