i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize