The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
