ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
