So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
