I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
