They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
