Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
