I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
