why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You can't just leave with hair like that
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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