Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
