My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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