His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
