Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
