If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
