We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
The best revenge is premature balding
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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