I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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