My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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