and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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