Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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