She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize