I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
