In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
