True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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