I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Can you bring me the toilet please
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
