We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
