Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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