I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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