if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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