I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
