Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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