I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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