my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
