I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize