Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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