i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
