on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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